Franch oatmeal cookies

A couple weeks ago, I was craving sugar and thought about making an eighth...no a quarter....what the heck, a whole batch of cookies. I didn't have many options without paying a visit to the Harris Teeter, soooooo far away at two whole blocks, but hey, it was raining. I think. Or it should have been. All right, so after I get home at the end of the workday, it's hard to motivate me to go out again. You want me to have a pint of Guinness with you? Better do it before I have the chance for cats to curl up all over me, with the purring and the sleepy blinking and the "pet me some more" head-butting. And did I mention the purring? Anyway, these cookies are the result of cocooning and what I had on hand that night.

Largely a recipe from the lid of the Quaker Oats Old-Fashioned Oatmeal canister, you'll need to follow the proportions and ingredients and directions *precisely* to get the crispy-chewy-thin texture. Can't emphasize that enough. If you do, you end up with a treat that's kind of like those fancy tuile cookies you sometimes see Julia Child & Co. make on TV, but with spice quirks and an American twist. (That’d be the oatmeal.) In the spirit of Better Off Dead, I've christened them “Frahnch Oatmeal Cookies.”

Dave -- have at it!

ingredients

• 1 c (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
• 1 ¼ c firmly packed brown sugar
• ½ c granulated sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 1 ¾ c all-purpose flour
• 2 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp ground ginger
• 1/2 tsp cardamom
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp salt
• 3 c old-fashioned Quaker Oats

instructions

1. Heat oven to 375º. Spread oats on cookie sheets and toast in the oven until browned. Cool to room temperature. Why bother with this step? Click here to find out.
2. While oats are toasting, beat butter until it's the consistency of thick whipped cream, then slowly add sugars until well-blended and fluffy. Do not rush this. It may take as long as 5 minutes, but when you're through, you will have the overwhelming urge to scoop up great gobs of it with your crooked index finger and pop it in your mouth, the rest of the recipe be damned. Resist. This is how you know it's time for the next step.
3. Add eggs one at a time, beating in between additions. Add milk and vanilla and beat well. Your mixture should still be light, but have a little more body.
4. Combine flour, baking soda, spices, and salt; mix well. Stir in cooled oats, and mix well. It's going to be the most airy cookie dough you've ever seen in your life. Nothing like a sturdy chocolate chip, maybe not even as stiff as some batter breads. The only thing I can think of that's fluffier is meringue cookies.
5. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet about 2.5" apart. The cookies will ooze into very flat disks within a couple minutes of baking, so don't put them too close together if you're trying for perfect edges.
6. Bake 8-10 minutes for a chewy cookie or 12-13 minutes for a crisp cookie. Cool 1 minute on cookie sheet, remove to wire rack as fast as you can. If the first batch sticks, use parchment paper on your cookie sheets. Cool completely; the butter and sugar content is high enough to blister your tongue if you don't wait at least 5 minutes.

Makes 4 ½-5 dozen cookies.