Hot Chocolate Cupcakes

I've made these spicy cupcakes for co-workers at two different companies, and I keep adding a little more cayenne to each successive version (I think baking must temper the spicyness somewhat). I thought I overdid the penultimate batch; my tongue went numb when I taste-tested the batter, but the gang sucked up every last one and sniffed around for crumbs.

The key is not telling anyone about the cayenne; the moxieless will think "yick" and shy away. Just tell potential consumers "they taste like hot chocolate, and everybody loves hot chocolate, right? " Well, except for the lactose intolerant. So, I guess you better tell the lactose-intolerant, moxieless folks that these are like the hot chocolate they always wished they could quaff. But warn them about the butter in the frosting so they can scrape it off -- unless you want to watch them clutch their twisted guts in agony a few hours later. Ummmmmm. Right. Not sure how I moved from yummy, finger-licking cupcakes to twisted guts, so just stick with "everybody loves hot chocolate!"

This one's for you, Hellmut.

cake ingredients

• 1 box dark chocolate cupcake mix + other stuff it calls for (e.g., oil, eggs, water)
• 1-2 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1/2 c roughly-chopped dark chocolate chips
• 1 7.5 oz jar marshmallow creme

frosting ingredients

• 2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 2 tbsp cinnamon extract
• 2 pinches salt
• 2 tbsp ground cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp ground cardamom
• 5 c powdered sugar
• ¼ c + 2 tbsp milk or cream (use water if cupcakes will sit in a warm room for more than 8 hours)
• cinnamon sprinkles
• small cinnamon candies

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instructions

1. Following directions on box, mix cupcake batter. Add 1 tsp cayenne and taste. If it seems too hot to you, it’s probably about right. If not, then keep adding cayenne. Fold in chocolate chips and spoon batter into cupcake tins lined with papers, filling no more than 2/3 full. Bake according to directions. Make sure you pay attention to that bit about whether your tins are shiny or non-stick and adjust the oven temperature accordingly. Dry, crumbly cupcakes are harder to work with.


2. Cool cupcakes completely. I like to make them one night and frost them the next. You’re going to want them to firm up a bit before this next step.


3. Cut an inverted cone in the top of each cupcake (pointing top in the middle) and cut off the bottom of the cone, so that you have a cavity with a lid.


4. Fill each cupcake with 1-2 tsps marshmallow creme. Cupcakes are fun. Stuffing them with marshmallow creme using two spoons is not. Do yourself a favor and dip your (clean) finger in a small bowl of water before you try to scrape the marshmallow off a shallow metal spoon into each cupcake. Do not dip the spoon in the water; the creme will disintegrate and ooze disgustingly. Cover marshmallow filling with cake "lid.”


5. Cream softened butter until pale and fluffy. This could take several minutes, so don’t rush it. Add vanilla and cinnamon extracts and salt. Mix until smooth. Add ground cinnamon and cardmom. Mix well, scraping down sides of bowl periodically to ensure all ingredients are blended.


6. Add a cup of powdered sugar and mix on low until the resulting choking cloud has subsided and the beater is struggling a bit, then add a few tablespoons of milk and beat on medium speed until blended. Repeat until all the powdered sugar and milk have been added, scrape down the sides and bottom well, and beat one more time. Frosting should be fluffy, sweet but not heavy, and ready to be spoon-dolloped, knife-swooped, or piped onto the cupcakes.


7. Frost each cupcake generously, then top with cinnamon sprinkles and a single cinnamon candy. After cleaning up, eat one cupcake to make sure you’re happy with result, and feel free to lick your fingers liberally. When satisfied, place cupcakes in refrigerator until 1 hour before ready to serve. They are yummiest when just below room temperature.

Metro, L'Enfant Plaza to Capitol South - 5:43 PM

SheTourist: (not very quietly) "What is that?"

HeTourist: "It's a piece of cooking equipment. They use it for carrying cupcakes. It's super, super professional. See how heavy-duty it is? And it has two tiers!"

SheTourist: (snorts gently) "I can't get excited over cupcakes."

HeTourist: " Yeah. It looks kind of heavy. But you could also carry muffins in them, I bet. I like muffins."

(long pause)

HeTourist: "I like blueberry muffins."

SheTourist: (inaudible during the clattering roll into Federal South station) "...so I just don't see why you'd buy one of those things."

HeTourist: (dreamily) "You know, muffins have lots of different toppings. You can get muffins with glaze, muffins with sugar clumps, muffins with sprinkles.... I like muffins."

SheNative: (leaning in, smiling) "I like the sugar clumps topping, too. I like banana nut muffins."

(Nonplussed, HeTourist & SheTourist look everywhere but at SheNative.)

HeTourist: (standing abruptly as the train enters Capitol South station) "This is us."

(HeTourist and SheTourist bustle down the aisle.)

SheNative: (quietly, looking after them) "I like banana nut muffins."

Dead Easy Toffee Pecans

While wheeling my capacious shopping cart home from Safeway with the essentials for the week and feeling oh-so-proud of myself for not caving to the charms of Lucky Charms, the magic of the Keebler Elves, the siren song of the ice cream aisle -- I realized I was craving something.

Curse my recent gym diligence and the resulting goose to my metabolism! It was going to have to be quick, satisfying, and not too big a portion because I didn't want to keep noshing on it all afternoon. Something with salt, a little sugar, and some fat, but not so bad that I'd feel like I'd have to make up for it by twice-a-day visits this week to the aforementioned gym. Something I could share, because the Boy Scout was home and deserved a little treat for his gym diligence, too.

Hence, these little babies. In the fine tradition of old recipes, it's full of "abouts" and "pinches," but I don't think you'll mind. Just dive in and make it. The only thing that's a must is the non-stick skillet; substitute that item and you've doomed yourself to a kitchen full of billowing smoke. Start-to-finish won't take you more than 10 minutes, tops, y'all. Promise.

Dead Easy Toffee Pecans
ingredients

• butter
• pecans
• sea salt
• ground cinnamon
• ground nutmeg
• maple syrup

In a non-stick skillet on medium heat, melt a smidge more than 1 tbsp of unsalted butter. Toss in ~1 1/2 c pecan halves and toss them around periodically until you start to smell them toasting. Throw in a couple pinches of finely ground sea salt (or grind 4-5 turns from a mill into the skillet). Stir and let the pecans get a little darker. Add several good sprinkles of cinnamon and a couple shakes of nutmeg. Stir in the spices, thoroughly mixing with the butter.

When you smell the spices, drizzle 2-3 tbsp maple syrup into the pan, just until the nuts are lightly soused. The syrup will sizzle a bit. Stir with a wooden spoon until the syrup, butter, and spices are throughly combined. Keep stirring constantly, adding a couple more sprinkles of cinnamon, until pan just begins to smoke. (That's when the toffee taste comes in.) Pour pecans onto a double sheet of wax paper and spread into a single layer to cool to an eatable temperature -- about 3 minutes. Best when still a little warm. Serves 2 folks a generous portion.